I want to share with you on the topic of Christian love – how we are to love our neighbors, our fellow church members, our spouses, our kids, our parents, our co-workers – and whatever other relationships you want to add in here, even our enemies.
I want to talk about what Christian love is, what it looks like, some of the core components of it and how it’s different than what the world calls love.
Let me set the stage for looking at what Christian love is, by making the point that –
Love is the most important thing of all
Paul talks about this in 1 Corinthians 13. Here he says that:
- You can exercise spiritual gifts, like speaking in tongues, but if you don’t have love for others, you’re just a “clanging cymbal” – v. 1.
- You can be prophetic and have all knowledge, but if you don’t have love for others, Paul says, you are “nothing” – v. 2.
- You can work amazing miracles, but if you don’t have love for others, you are “nothing” – v. 2.
- You can even sacrifice greatly giving away wealth or dying for a cause, but if you don’t have love for others in this, you “gain nothing” – v. 3.
We can add any number of other examples: what you accomplish with your career, your life achievements, your reputation, your wealth, your relationships with your family and friends, your volunteer work, the roles you have filled in church. The point is the same: without love, you are nothing.
Paul is saying in this passage that these other things are partial and will pass away in the age to come. But “love never ends” – v. 8. It goes on into eternity.
So, for instance, if I come to God on the final day saying, “look at all the knowledge I have!” God could say to me, “the least in the eternal kingdom knows a thousand times more than you.” It’s like I’m boastfully bringing a brick of gold to a kingdom that has so much gold that it uses it to pave its streets.
Love is what is all important in God’s kingdom. Love for God for sure, and our topic here – love for others. So here’s some questions to consider: Have you loved others with your life? Have you made loving others the focus of your life? Have you shaped everything you do in life toward the end of loving others?
Now, since love is the most important thing of all, it’s extremely important to ask and then answer the question –
What is Christian love?
1. Love requires actions. Love begins within; in our hearts. But it must come to fruition in deeds of love. 1 John 3:18 says, “Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.” Good thoughts or good words aren’t enough. When there is a need and you can help, to love “in truth,” as John says, is to act.
The example from this context is helping someone who lacks basic material needs. 1 John 3:16 says, “if anyone has the world’s goods and sees his sister or brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God’s love abide in him?” It’s not enough to say good things, “Oh, you don’t have food and clothing?” “Go in peace, be warmed and filled” (James 2:16). Love requires action.
2. Love acts for the well-being of others. We are to “do good” to all, even if they do us harm, as Jesus teaches in Luke 6:27 and Paul teaches in 1 Thessalonians 5:15. Let’s look at some specifics:
- God loves us in that he feeds us, giving rain and sunshine to all so that our crops grow – Matthew 5:45
- God loves us in that he gave his only Son to die for our salvation – John 3:16; Romans 5:8
- Jesus teaches us to pray for, bless others, even if they mistreat us – Luke 6:28
- Jesus healed the ear of the one who arrested him – Luke 22:50; and he prayed for those who crucified him – Luke 23:34
These are all good actions, aimed at doing what is best for another.
Now, If love truly means doing what is best for another then we can’t just go around being nice. We can’t reduce love to being nice. Being nice and keeping up good social etiquette is often more about staying out of people’s problems and needs. For example quickly giving money to a homeless person, hoping they go away. Or not saying anything to a fellow believer who is involved in sin, lest you make waves.
We keep up social etiquette so that we can feel good about ourselves, but we get ourselves off the hook of actually having to love them. Love, however, means doing what is best for the person. And so sometimes love has to be tough and deal with issues, precisely because this is what is in the best interests of the person.
Also, if love means doing what is best for another we can’t just join in with doing harm for harm. You may have the right to do this legally or it may be the just thing to do. But we have a higher standard to live by. We always have to consider what is best also for the other person. This must control our actions, not an eye for an eye, even with evil people.
The only way we can do something that harms someone, is for it to be redemptive harm; something that doesn’t destroy them, but something that does them good in the long run.
[Nor can I say that it is OK to non-redemptively harm or destroy someone as long as I am not doing it as a personal vendetta, or in anger, or with hatred in my heart. My actions reveal what is in my heart – Luke 6:44-45. If I simply act to harm someone, without regard for what is best for them, my actions reveal (at a minimum) a lack of love for that person in my heart.]
Love acts for the well-being of others.
3. Love is a commitment to act for the well-being of others. This is where our culture is so wrong. Love is not based on feelings. It may involve certain feelings from time to time, but these can waver or even go away for a time.
This is why there is so much divorce today, and you see this especially in celebrity culture, the feeling leaves and so the relationship ends. But Christian love is based on a deep commitment to the other person and their good. It’s a choice that we make. That’s why God can command us to love others. You can’t command a feeling, but you can a choice.
This kind of love is a defining characteristic of God. As God says about himself in Exodus 34:6, the LORD is a God “abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness . . . keeping steadfast love to the thousandth generation.” The word here “steadfast love” has to do with unchanging love. It is God’s sustained covenant loyalty to his people. It is based on his commitment to our well-being.
Think of God’s love for his people throughout the centuries, calling us, teaching us, walking with us, bearing with us – his love isn’t based on warm feelings. It is based on this firm commitment to us and for what is best for us. And so as well, Christian love is based on a commitment to act for the good of another.
4. Love involves sacrifice, laying down our lives for others. As Jesus said about himself in Mark 10:45, “the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” 1 John 3:16 speaks of Jesus’ love in this way, “By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for” others.
Often the world portrays love as focused on finding personal fulfillment, that is, for yourself. It’s about what you get out of the relationship. But Christian love is about what you give to the one you love, or what you give up for them – serving and sacrificing.
In the world if you’re not feeling fulfilled in the relationship you leave. But Christian love teaches us that true fulfillment only comes when we move past self-centered love and learn to serve and sacrifice for the one we love.
5. Christian loves includes all people. It is always easier to limit our love to a certain subset of people, but Jesus teaches us that all are included.
- It’s easy to love those who like us, but we are to love those who don’t love us; those who harm us. Jesus said, “For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same?” – Matthew 5:46.
- It’s easy to love those who are like us, but we are to love those who are different than us – different race, nationality, economic or social status. Jesus said, “And if you greet only your brothers and sisters, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same?” – Matthew 5:47.
Jesus teaches that our love is to be perfect or “complete,” like the Father’s love is perfect or complete, the word here in Matthew 5:48 can be translated either way. This is a love which is complete because it includes both the “evil and the good” and the “just and the unjust” – Matthew 5:45.
Let me end by saying –
This kind of love only comes from God
It doesn’t come from our flesh, our self-centered existence apart from God. In the flesh we want what is best and easiest for us. Christian love!? What!?
- Good words and thoughts aren’t enough, I have to something?
- I can’t just be nice or act according to harm for harm? You know, something less than acting for the well-being of another.
- It’s not based on feelings? I have to hang in through thick and thin? When I don’t feel like it?
- It’s not about me? I have to focus on giving, even sacrificing?
- I can’t limit it to people who like me, or how are like me?
The flesh doesn’t want anything to do with Christian love.
No, this kind of love only comes from God, who is love. As 1 John 4:7 says, “God is love.” And only God can produce this kind of love in our hearts. Christian love is “the fruit of the Spirit” who is at work within us – Galatians 5:22.